Good Grief

Losing someone you love is like losing a piece of your heart. Your heart aches at the thought of no longer having your loved one around. With loss, comes grief. Everyone grieves differently. It is a natural yet difficult emotion to navigate.

“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” – Jamie Anderson

When I was a junior in high school, I volunteered at a bereavement support group held for children ages 5-18 called: Stepping Stones through Grief. The support group helped children navigate and understand how to cope with loss, which they had experienced at such a young age. At that time, I could not even begin to imagine or relate to what these children were going through. Up until that point, I had lost my Grampy and Uncle Mark at a very young age, so I do not remember having to cope with losing loved ones.

The children that I got to sit with and help with their activities were almost half my age. The strength they endured, and continuous growth I saw in each of them week after week, was truly inspiring. Although grieving can be hard, they rose above, celebrated, and honored their loved ones who passed. It was such a stepping stone in the healing process for them, and an inspiring journey to watch. For more information on Stepping Stones through Grief, I encourage you to visit: https://nhfv.org/support-group/vna-manchester-southern-nh-inc/

The years following my time volunteering at Stepping Stones through Grief took a devastating turn for my family. Senior year of high school, my cousin James unexpectedly passed away at such a young age. That was the first instance that I experienced and remembered true and heartbreaking loss. Freshman year of college, my Aunt Jeannie unexpectedly passed away at a young age as well, and it was shocking and heart wrenching. Sophomore year of college, my Grammy passed away, and although she lived a beautiful long life, my heart was sad and heavy. Two years ago, my coworker and great friend, Hannah, passed away at a very young age as well. It left such a saddening spot in my heart. Each time I asked God why my friends and loved ones, who I considered huge role models of mine, were taken far too soon? Although I do not have the answers, my faith has always remained strong. God has a plan for each one of our lives.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4

Grieving and accepting loss is a difficult process. However, after grieving and growing from countless losses, I have found comfort in knowing that all of these beautiful souls are now my angels. One day we will be reunited with them. We cannot change the fact that they are gone, but what we can do is live each day in honor of our loved ones, knowing that they are watching over us, and are our biggest cheerleaders in heaven.

I am strong in my faith, and am a very spiritual person. I do believe there is life after death from our physical bodies, and that our souls live on forever. I pray to my loved ones who have passed on every single day, and thank them for watching over me in my life. I ask them to show me specific signs that they are with me, and when they reveal the signs to me, it brings me an overwhelming sense of peace, joy, and comfort.

Grammy shows me flamingos and tulips in the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times. Flamingos were her favorite animal, and tulips were her favorite flower.

Aunt Jeannie shows me the most beautiful combination of colors and clouds in the sky. The day of her funeral, the most stunning sunset I have ever seen appeared that night. That unfiltered photo is pictured below.

James leaves me pennies in the most unexpected places. When I was torn between transferring colleges, I asked him for a sign if it was the right choice for me to transfer, and he showed me a penny. I asked him for a bigger sign to prove that it was him, and he showed me a quarter in the most unexpected place. From that day on, he leaves me pennies when I need them most.

Hannah plays the song “Africa” by Toto at the most unexpected times. She sung that song so much, and the joy that radiated from her was contagious. The day of her wake, that song came on when I was driving home, which let me know that she was already watching over me and ensuring me that she was okay.

Emotions are raw and real, and voids within our hearts will always remain heavy. Remember that grieving and missing your loved ones is a part of coping with loss. Although our lives will never be the same without them here on earth, we must strive to live our lives filled with love, compassion, and kindness, and continue to make them proud. They are always listening and guiding us. Trust and have faith that one day we will reunite with them again, but until then, continue living and loving.

Remember to stay humble and kind, always!

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xo –Jess